


Time and Tide

by itszaynandharry



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Babies, M/M, Mentions of Gigi Hadid - Freeform, Time - Freeform, Zarry Fluff, domestic stuff, mentions of Perrie Edwards, some Zigi, tide - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-31 03:00:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8561020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itszaynandharry/pseuds/itszaynandharry
Summary: From this post"now someone write a canon compliant fic about harry impulsively adopting a baby over the hiatus and calling zayn for help because he’s good with kids & he’s too anxious about asking louis for help." Or the one where two years after Zayn left the band, Lola, Harry's baby girl, is the one who brings Zayn and Harry back together.





	1. These Twists and Turns of Fate

**Author's Note:**

> Time - the indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole.
> 
> Tide - a powerful surge of feeling ~~or trend of events~~
> 
> My inspiration for getting this story written and completed was the song [Little Wonders by Rob Thomas.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HhZ1BdMtw_Q) Thus, the chapter titles.
> 
> The story title is from the quote "Time and tide wait for no man." by Geoffrey Chaucer which will be referenced to in the story.

This wasn't something Harry planned months in advance. And it wasn't something that had been on his mind ever before either. It was a literal, spur of the moment thing. It's not fair to blame anyone other than himself and he knows that. But he likes to think that some of this has to do with Louis. Because maybe it really started when Louis took to twitter and announced the birth of Freddie Tomlinson, his son.

 _Louis has a kid now. One of my best mates is a daddy now._ Harry remembered thinking that and he probably repeated that in his head multiple times. _Louis has a son.. Louis actually has a son_.... And what else was Harry was supposed to do? That was big news.

Harry thrives on people. He loves being around people because it gives him the opportunity to show his charms. Which he's been repeatedly told he has by his band mates and even by people he met once and never saw again. So of course when the One Direction hiatus started, Harry was not one to slow down right away. Not after constantly going for six years. Not yet. 

Which is where the movie Dunkirk came in. Being an actor has never really been on his list in terms of the entertainment industry but it certainly doesn't hurt to dabble in it. He's always been sure that he's good for something other than his voice and being casted in a movie was the perfect way to prove that while meeting new people and forming new relationships at the same time.

Except that was the problem.

When the filming for Dunkirk ended, he returned to his Hollywood home and began working on other things. Other things like his preparation for his upcoming solo album that's due to drop who knows when. So outside of the occasional party here or there or occasional concert, he hadn't really been extremely busy since then. It was just him at home writing or taking care of other important things. And since Harry has always thrived on people and a certain amount of attention, something felt almost... uncomfortable about not having a routine or a schedule. He felt like he needed to fill the void. Something to keep him busy. But what?

Harry really didn't intend to be irrational— because out of all four of the One Direction members he thought he was the most rational— but sometimes he can't help himself. He has the tendency to see something and be emotionally moved by it even when he isn't trying to. But what else is a somewhat lonely man supposed to think to do when he sees pap photos of his band mate with his son or when he sneaks a peek at Louis's Instagram page only to see that's he's finally posted another cute photo Freddie?

Well— That's it! A kid! That'll surely keep him occupied. He could certainly never be bored or lonely with a baby in the house. It would be nearly impossible!

Yes, Harry had seen it many times before where people complained about the fact that because celebrities had lots of money, then they got special treatment or received faster results. "Money talks" they say. But Harry wanted to believe it had nothing to do with that. Cause waiting eight months felt like hell. He's not sure how he even waited _that_ long but since he did, he couldn't care less about how people felt about him now that he's got Lola, his eight month old baby girl.

The biggest downside first was having so much media attention being that no one even knew he was getting Lola until he actually brought her home. No, he wasn't surprised when the _" **Harry Styles, Newest 1D Daddy"**_ headlines came out. He expected that. Hell, he even expected the _**"Did Harry Styles Get Baby Fever from Louis Tomlinson"**_ headlines. But he knows about the backlash. Knows how hard it was for Louis when his son was born and is even more aware of how many people were dying to have a photo of Freddie so much that they would even follow Louis or even Freddie's mother, Briana. But that isn't something he wants for Lola. He wants her to live a quiet and peaceful life, free of all the background noise and free of danger.

And for the most part, that's been going as planned. She's safe and sound. But there are many times where it has nothing to do with the outside world when things with Lola aren't so quiet and peaceful. She's a very demanding baby. She loves attention. Loves to be held because being held means being around people. She's so much like Harry to the point where he actually forgets she isn't actually his biological daughter.

It's been tough. Harry's dead in the middle of promo for his Dunkirk movie which is due to be in theaters in a month now. Between that and the writing and periodic visits to the studio, he's mentally exhausted. And simply put, he needs a break.

He's thought about calling Louis over because well, his son's a year old now and he certainly knows how to deal with children and determine what they need at her age. But Louis is in the UK visiting his family right now. So although it's only six thirty in the evening here in California, it's two thirty in the morning there and he's worried that Louis would be sleep already and that he would just disturb him

He's got a list of people he can call though. Like his mum and other friends who've had kids. But really when Harry scrolls down the contact list, he's not looking for anyone in particular and nobody catches his eye. That is until he reaches the very bottom of the list and sees a four letter first name staring back up at him

_Zayn._

A weird feeling courses through him. And it should because he knows good and well why it's happening. He's got a bunch of texts sitting idly, untouched and unanswered from Zayn. And missed calls would still take up a good chunk of his call history had he not deleted those. This feeling could be none other than guilt.

Truth is, Harry has wanted to talk to Zayn. He's wanted to have a nice conversation with him and talk about how Zayn had the guts to give up nearly everything he had with One Direction. But there has always been a small part of him that's still hurt. And when Harry is hurt more than angry, it usually leads to this. The silent treatment.

Harry still keeps up with Zayn though. Secretly of course. And he's found that Zayn's actually in LA right now. His girlfriend Gigi, has some kind of modeling thing going on and he flew here with her. If it was something he was actually looking for, that would be the perfect opportunity for him to talk to Zayn.

On the other hand, Zayn is not so secret about keeping up with his former band members. He's read some of his interviews and although he's hardly ever on social media, he's even heard from friends where Zayn had liked a picture of Lola, which Anne, his mother, had so proudly posted to Twitter. So he knows that Zayn's happy for him. And if he still knows Zayn at all, he knows that he wants to see her and meet her. 

Right now, Lola's sitting in his lap as she stares at him with a puzzled face. She's been getting more familiar with associating the expression on people's faces so she somewhat knows that this isn't normal. She reaches up to touch his face and slaps it lightly. "Da!" she says. She's been saying that a lot lately because to her, it means everything.

When he laughs, she laughs too and slaps him again, to which Harry responds by lightly nibbling on her little tiny fingers as he protects her from his teeth with his lips. That excites her so much and she flails her arms like a madman. When she's done getting excited, she lies against him and he kisses the top of her forehead. He has only had her for about a month and a half now. But he's sure that he already loves her so much.

He sees her looking down at his phone intently and he follows her eyes. He's totally taken by surprise. Because the screen is showing that he's in the middle of a phone call and not only that, but he's in the middle of the phone call with Zayn. When in the world did he dial Zayn?!

He's not sure what to do now. Because it was so much easier to just ignore the phone call completely. But he'd feel so bad if he actually hung up in his face.  
"Da!" Lola says again and she taps at the screen. Luckily, it's not the _end call_ button but Harry thinks it's much worse. Because it's the speaker button and he can hear Zayn calling his name.

"Harry? Harry? Are you alright Harry?"

"Lola." Harry whispers and he pins down her hands.

"Ahh." She coos in response.

"Harry? I can hear you and the little one. Are you alright?"

Harry groans. _Great. Now he's worried_. He has no choice but to answer now. "I'm fine I... I didn't mean to call. That was Lola... Just punching buttons and dialling stuff."

The other line is silent. Deathly silent. Harry wonders if Zayn is gone but he can see on the screen that he's still there. "Zayn?"

"Well... Never would have thought Harry Styles' kid would call before he does but that's life, eh."

That hurts. But Harry's aware that admitting his daughter accidentally called probably hurt Zayn too. "Listen, I-"

"Da, raa, ra, ar ra."

Harry looks down at Lola, wondering why she's so talkative today but he hears Zayn laugh on the other end of the phone. "That's really cute. Lola's a cute baby."

"She is. Thanks."

More silence. And it's so awkward that Harry is tempted to pull his hair out just to give himself something to do.

"So if you didn't mean to call me, should I um— hang up?"

As if Harry would say 'yes' to that? He may have ignored his calls and texts but he isn't cold hearted enough to tell him to hang up, is he? "No. I wasn't saying that to get you to go. Just... Sorry. It's been so long, you know. And I've had a long day with Lola. She's been everywhere today. Children can be so stressful to take care of sometimes."

"Of course." Zayn agrees skeptically. "That's part of the job, isn't it?"

"Yeah. But you were always so good with babies and children. You even talked about having them with— well um. You know." Now might not be a good time to bring up Perrie now that those two haven't been together for almost two years now. And there are also other reasons for Harry— which involve Zayn— that constitute keeping Perrie's name out of his mouth.

"Yeah, I know. Cause you know um, babies are pretty cool. Would be sweet to see you with Lola. How you interact with babies and everything." Zayn mumbles.

Hearing the way his voice fades out and away from those words, Harry looks down at his daughter sadly. She's crawling out of his lap and making random noises again. "Do you think... You think you'd like to meet her then?"

The line is quiet once again and Harry's already had enough of this.

"Meet Lola, you mean?"

"Yeah. Do you want to come meet her?"

"Well I— yes— yes I would love to. Y-you would really let me do that?"

"I mean, yeah. I'm sure she'll love you. Plus I need a break. I'm stressed to the max today. Lola's been everywhere. She's been so talkative all day and get this. Today, she crawled across the living room and tried to stick a toy in the wall socket. I swear it's always one of two things. Either she's into something or she wants my attention. There's no middle ground really. And I don't mean to complain—"

"What time do you want me there?"

Harry stops talking. "Hm?"

"You said you needed a break which I assume is your attempt at asking me to help you for the evening. Unless... Unless I'm wrong. If so, forget I said anything."

Harry sits up and leans over on the couch toward Lola so that he can keep her from falling off and onto the floor. "No. That's it. You're right. If you don't have anywhere to be, you could come over and give me a helping hand maybe. And then we could— we could catch up on things.... while we're at it, you think? I know that it's been a little while since everything."

"About two years, Harry. That's a bit more than a little while."

He pauses at that. Wow. Two years? "Okay. Yeah. Right. Fair enough. What do you think?"

He hears Zayn sigh into the phone. "I think that sounds like a nice plan. But it's already close to seven and if we're being honest, we have a lot to catch up on. It may take us more time than we expect. You still don't mind?"

"No." Yes.

"Oh. Great. Guess I'll try to come your way right now?"

"Mhm."

"Alright. See you when I get there then."

"Yep."

"Goodbye." Zayn is the first hang up the phone and right when the call ends, Harry snatches Lola up off the couch and puts her on his hip. 

"I can't believe I did that Lola. Zayn's coming to the house and it's not even presentable." Harry can't remember the last time he ever worried about Zayn coming over and seeing a mess but this visit feels different. Because it's been two years and Zayn's become more of a stranger than a brother.

"Let's change your diaper, clean you up and get you into something that doesn't have an applesauce stain, shall we?"

As he leaves the living room, his phone buzzes. It's a text from Zayn but unlike all other times, he doesn't ignore it.

**I forgot you've moved and I don't know your address anymore. I'm gonna need that.**

Harry smiles as he types his address into the phone and presses send. As he makes it to the stairs, Lola reaches out to touch his phone. He quickly draws his hand back. "No way, Missy. You're the reason this is even happening at all."

"Na!" she says but by her expression that only means she's clearly fussing at being told no. But it doesn't matter because a kiss to her chubby cheek makes her happy again. And in that very moment Harry swears that in another world, Lola definitely came from him.

 

*

*

*

 

Harry's scrambling to straighten up the pillows on the couches when the doorbell rings. He probably should have done this earlier but he was so busy doing everything else that he forgot. With Lola on his hip again, he walks to the door. After looking through the peephole and seeing that it's exactly whom he's expecting it to be, he opens it. Zayn's standing there in black jeans with holes at the knee and a plain white T-shirt with a leather jacket to cover. But not just that, he's holding a little stuffed panda bear in his hand. It's impossible that Harry didn't feel his heart sink to his feet or his knees go weak at the thought that he bought a gift for Lola.

"Come in."

Zayn steps in and smiles at Lola as he passes her. "Hi." He chuckles.

She's so excited that he's talking to her. "Ra da!"

"I'm Zayn. Zayn Malik." He says as if she could even greet him back. "I'm a... a longtime friend of Harry's."

She laughs cutely and Zayn looks at Harry. "Wow. She is such a happy baby. She kind of reminds me of you and how you were when I was there."

Ouch. Harry wasn't ready for that. "So anyway, the living room is this way, if you'll follow me."

"Okay." And he does. After leading him out of the foyer and into an opening, they reach the living room.  "What a beautiful place you've got here."

"Thanks. But it really needs to be kid proof now."

"You mean like putting plastic covers over the wall sockets?"

"Exactly like that." Harry takes a seat on the couch and sits his daughter in his lap. Zayn sits on the couch adjacent from him.

"I brought this panda for Lola. Does she like stuffed animals?"

"She loves them. She's drooled on most of the ones she's had but they're her sleeping buddies. And her chuck me across the room buddies. I can't forget that."

"Great." Zayn lights up and holds the panda bear out to her. "Here Lola. This is for you. Do you like it?"

She slowly and cautiously takes it from him, then smiles. He hasn't seen pretty blue eyes light up like that since the last time he saw Louis and Niall. Immediately when he thinks of those two, he feels an overwhelming since of regret because he remembers the other reason he is here and now he thinks it might have served him better to just stay at home. But he's distracted from that thought when he hears Harry.

"Lola, he just brought this for you and it's already in your mouth. That poor panda." He looks at Zayn. "As you can see, she's teething. She already has her upper central incisors and they're the cutest little teeth in the world." He tries to open her mouth by gently pulling at her lip but she fusses at him and instinctively turns her head away.

"The way you smile when you talk about her. You care for her a lot."

"Of course I do. She may be a lot to handle but she's mine. And I think I already love her." Harry's convinced that the soft spots in his heart had been reserved for her all along. 

"That's so great. But I never expected you to enter fatherhood so early. You're twenty three. What made you even want to?"

Harry sighs. "It was a bit lonely around the house" he wants to say. But he doesn't because he knows where that statement could lead. "So many children need a home. And look at how beautiful she is. It was time." Which isn't a lie. It just isn't the whole truth either.

"She's lucky."

"Thanks. But so am I." Harry sits her on the floor so she can move about freely and then rises to his feet. "Would you like something to drink? Eat?"

"No. Not really." Zayn says quickly and he reaches out to grasp Harry's arm to stop him from leaving. "You said that we could catch up on things and I didn't agree to that just to have a reason to finally see you again. I actually... wanted to talk."

Harry tries to hide his fear with a smile. He doesn't really want to talk. He never did. That was only something he said because he was rambling in that uncomfortable predicament. Besides needing someone else to help relieve him of this stress for the day, he had felt so bad when he heard Zayn's voice as he talked about wanting to see Lola. So he gave in to that and this is how it's coming back to bite him. Serves  him right though.

He plops down on the couch again, being sure to look pass him. He's too embarrassed to look him in the eye right now. "Alright. What do you want to talk about?"

"Do you hate me now?"

"No. Hate is a strong word."

"So then, you dislike me. That's not a strong word."

"But I didn't say that."

"You don't have to say it. I know that you've been getting my calls and my texts."

"Ugh." Harry says and he looks down in his lap as he puts his forehead in one of his hands. The room goes silent but not for long.

"Listen. I know what I did. And trust me, I am aware of the way it made you and the other guys feel. But if you want me to apologize for doing something that made me happier, then that's not going to happen. I left for my own good and happiness."

"I know that. I'm not even upset because of that."

"So then why did you ignore me for so long? And why do you seem so bothered now?"

"I'm not bothered."

Zayn throws his hands up. "Right because you've totally looked in my direction since you've sat back down."

Harry does look at him now. But he's cutting his eyes at him. "I said I didn't hate you. I don't know why you're trying to force stuff out of me. My idea of catching up on things is not sitting here and being accused."

Zayn sits back on the couch with a brief nod of his head. "Okay. Let's pretend that the previous discussion never happened then." He feels something at his feet and when he looks down, he sees Lola there and she's pulling at his shoe strings. He picks her up an puts her on his lap. "Let's talk about Lola and how cute she is instead."

He grasps her tiny hand and smiles at her chubby fingers. She reminds him of Freddie. Except the closest he has gotten to Freddie are the images and videos of him. He hasn't gotten to hold him like he's holding Lola. He didn't expect to like this so much.

"What a beautiful girl you are."

She coos at him and reaches up to touch his jacket. "Heh da da daa..."

"At the AMAs..." That catches Zayn off guard and he looks up at him more alert than before. "You said we were a band and I was so sure about it too... but then four months later, you were gone."

Zayn sighs. "I don't really know what you want me to say to that Harry. I didn't plan that. You know the story. I've told it a million times."

"And what?" Harry says as he looks down in his lap. "You really expect me to believe it was solely for that reason? That you just decided 'I'm going to wake up in the morning and quit the band', hm?"

Zayn frowns. "Alright, what are you getting at? That you were another reason?" 

"Well was I?" 

"No. You're not and you never were. The calls and texts from me that you ignored should be enough proof to show I wanted to talk to you."

"Sure. If you say so."

But Zayn knows what he said hasn't satisfied Harry and he knows exactly what he's thinking. The air feels weird now. So tense and clammy. This was the last thing he wanted to talk about when he came here but clearly, Harry still isn't over it.

"When are you going to stop bringing that up? I told you how I felt about it. I don't want to keep talking about it."

"Yeah. You told me how you felt alright. You claim it was an accident."

"That's because it was."

"It wasn't for me."

"Well, of course not. You're the one who kissed me."

"But you kissed back. Both times."

He grits his teeth. "Accident."

"What happened in that hotel room was no accident. Mistake? Maybe. Accident? I don't think so."

Zayn stands up and sits Lola on the couch. "Alright, that's it! I don't want to talk about this anymore."

Harry stands up too. "Why? Because I'm right?"

"No!" He faces him angrily. "Because you can't let go! Yes, we did it! But what did you want me to do Harry? What did you expect after that? I had a fiancée! You know that and dammit, you knew that when you kissed me!"

It falls quiet all of a sudden and Zayn feels sick to his stomach. The last thing he wanted to do was curse in front of Lola. But Harry had just brought this out of him.

"I guess I just expected something more than to be told to forget about it because it was an accident. I know that it was so different for both of us. But we still laughed the whole time, remember? I thought that meant..."

Zayn studies him hard, hoping he doesn't say the wrong thing. Because one thing he knows about Harry is that he always says the wrong thing. "You thought that meant what?"

He shrugs and looks over at his daughter who has two of her fingers in her mouth. "Just thought... I thought it meant that you liked it too. That's all."

 _Of course..._ Zayn should have known from the night it happened that Harry wouldn't have come out of that unscathed. Harry has always been one to pretend not to be bothered until he decided enough was enough and sprang it all on a person unexpectedly. And that frustrates Zayn so much because he has to constantly be careful so that he doesn't evoke anything inside of him.  Seems like it might be too late for that now.

"Well, I didn't hate it if that's what you think. I just know that it shouldn't have happened. Not when I had plans to be married." He shakes his head at the floor. "You have no idea how many nights I stayed up thinking about that, wondering if she was ever going to find out. Sure, it's over now. But sometimes I still wonder if she did sorta have an idea, you know."

"Yeah. But I don't think so. I don't think anybody did, really."

"Then we should promise to keep it that way."

"I do."

"Me too." Zayn rubs his head but jumps when he feels something touch the back of legs. When he realizes it's Lola, he picks her up again and puts her on his hip. "Hello again."

"Datdoo." She says.

"Yes. I know. Harry is something isn't he?"

Harry smiles. This is a sight. It's a lovely sight to witness. "Would you like to see her room?"

"Sure. Why not?"

Harry leads the way to the stairs and makes his way up them. When he reaches the top, he slips into the first room on the right and turns on the light. The walls are a light green and it makes the room appear to have more space than it already does. It's accented with green and white colors and the room even has plastic plants in the corners. It's absolutely lovely. "This is so nice. I love her room. And the plants are nice."

"Thank you. They're fake until I can find out what kind of allergies she has. I just wanted to bring the outside in."

"I'm guessing that's why you painted the walls green?"

"No. The wall was already painted green. I just chose this room because green is supposed to have a calming affect. It's supposed be soothing because it's natural and it also is the best color for a baby's learning environment."

Zayn chuckles. "I should have known. You do everything with a purpose."

"Yes. I do."

Lola bites at Zayn's jacket and Zayn laughs before rubbing the back of her head. She doesn't have much hair at all but the hair she does have is so soft that he just has to kiss her head.

"You suppose you're ready talk a bit more?" Harry asks. "I mean... Not about... You know."

"Yes. That sounds good."

He turns the light out in her room and they go downstairs again. But this time they turn into the kitchen. "So I know you've talked to Liam since you left."

"Yeah. A few times. It's been a while though. Why?"

Harry shakes his head. "Just saying. Still none of the other boys though?"

"No. Just you."

Harry opens the door to the refrigerator and reaches in. "Do you want to?"

"What? Talk to Niall and Lou?"

"Yeah."

"Of course and I tried to. Just like I tried to talk to you but... You know. I don't really want to talk about it. I'm not upset and I'm not angry at anybody. I just decided to give them more time. That's all. It's just a break. Like you and me."

 _Just a break._ Harry thinks a while on that. Because he wonders how long their break would have gone had Lola not been such a curious baby. "You want a beer?"

Zayn smiles when he sees him holding up the glass bottle. It's been such a long time since he and Harry just sat down and had a drink together. Well true, it's been a while since he did _anything_ with Harry. But drinking with Harry brings back memories. Good ones and bad ones. But mostly good ones. "Sure."

"Alright, then we can put her in her playpen in the living room and enjoy it in there."

"Okay."

While Harry opens the bottles, Zayn takes Lola to the living room. He can't say that he's glad Lola called Zayn because it was still an accident that pretty much forced him to invite him over before he was really ready to see him. But he is happy that they're here together and making an effort to enjoy each other's company again. Two years is a long time to go without seeing or speaking to someone he's come to love as much as he loves and cares for Zayn.

After he's done in the kitchen, he makes his way to the living room to see that Lola is already in the pen. But Zayn is sitting cross legged in front of it and talking to her.

"Lola, you're in prison! What did you do?" He says.

She shakes her head no.

"Nothing? Are you sure about that?"

She shakes her head again and smiles big, showing her two tiny front teeth. Harry's heart is immediately warmed as he  comes in to sit down next to him.

"Wow. You seem to already have quite a connection with her. I like it."

Zayn takes one of the beers from him and tilts his head sideways. "Well, she's sweet. It's easy to fall in love with her."

"And obviously she feels the same way about you because now you have slob on your jacket."

Zayn laughs. "Well, if I'm here to help you out a bit for the evening, then I guess I don't mind it. That's why there's the option to wash." He makes a move to drink from his bottle, but Harry puts a hand on his hand and stops him.

"Wait."

"What?"

"Don't just drink from it. This is our first time drinking together in over two years. We need to make a toast."

Zayn is confused. "To what though?

Harry shrugs. "I don't know. Anything. Something we both care about. Just to get us off on the right foot again."

Zayn's still clueless. He looks around the room and then his eyes land on the little girl in front of him. "How about Lola?"

"Sure. To my baby girl."

"Wait. Nope. Never mind."

Harry chuckles. "What's wrong?"

"I don't feel right drinking to an eight month old. How about we.... drink to her success instead?"

He does nod this time because he does have to admit that hearing himself say it out loud did sound weird. "To Lola's success then." He says and he holds his bottle toward Zayn.

Zayn taps his bottle so that they clink. "To Lola's success."

They both giggle for unknown reasons before drinking from their bottles and when Zayn's done turning his bottle up, he smiles in satisfaction. He remembers Harry telling him that Lola was really the one who called him, that she was just punching buttons and one of them happened to be his number. But he's still thankful for that too. Because without that, there is no telling how much longer they would have gone without speaking. His brain hurts at the thought of _forever._

They sit there together and the conversation drifts on to the topic of Harry's movie and how it feels to do his own thing for a change. Harry asks Zayn to stay for dinner, but Zayn tells him he can't and that he needs to call a car so he can get home. Gigi was out doing her modeling photoshoot when Harry called and to keep from disturbing her, he never told her he was leaving home. He figured he'd better leave before she got back to his place and started to worry.

"Well then..." Harry says and he adjusts Lola on his hip. "Maybe you could come when you're not so busy doing your own things and when I'm not so busy with this promo. I'll be glad to have you over for dinner. Just you though. Not... You know."

"Yes. I know. That's sounds nice." Zayn says.

"Alright then. I will."

"Okay."

Before Zayn makes a move out of the door, he turns to Lola. She has the panda he bought for her in her hand. "Next time I see you, I'll get you an even bigger panda, since you like this one." He says before kissing her cheek.

She lies against Harry with droopy eyes that threaten to close for the night. She's tired. It's been hard fighting sleep just to be nosy and keep up with everything Zayn and her daddy have been doing.

"I'll see you later Harry." Zayn says as he steps through the door and outside. "Don't forget. You know my number. Don't be a stranger anymore."

"I won't. I promise. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Harry only watches Zayn get inside the SUV before he closes the door. Then he turns to his daughter. "No one would believe this if I told them you're the reason Zayn and I have started talking again. And you won't either when you grow up to hear me tell you this story."

She yawns big and he chuckles. "Oh, I know. Daddy's boring you. Let's get you to bed."


	2. These Small Hours

Harry keeps his promise. He doesn't become a stranger to Zayn. In fact, only two weeks after the premiere of Dunkirk, he finds himself sat across from Zayn at the dinner table of his own home.

Zayn can't say he's surprised because Harry usually keeps his promise. But he is surprised at himself. Because he never expected to fly to California just to do this. The good news is that Gigi knows. Gigi knows that he has patched things up but as far as the general public, it only remains a rumor. Which Zayn and Harry aren't concerned about confirming nor denying it and Gigi is good that she respects his choice in that matter.

Zayn also kept his promise. He brought Lola a bigger panda bear. She can hold it somewhat but it's still a little bit too heavy for her. Nevertheless, Lola loves it just as much as the first one he got her.

"I still think it's sick how you actually are in a movie." Zayn says.

"Yeah."

"The first of many?"

Harry smirks. "Who knows? We'll see how this goes first. Although I admit it was fun."

"Besides people taking pictures of you? You know when you hid from the paparazzi."

Harry covers his face. "Oh you saw that? Yeah, I did do that."

"I mean, yeah. I keep up with the fans so... I see things."

Harry faces his daughter before spooning food to her. She gladly opens her mouth for it.

"So you know, I was just thinking. If seeing Lola and myself is apparently something you're up to now, maybe you'd like to come again for a park date. That way we can kind of show Lola nature and stuff."

Zayn stops and looks at him. A park date. He hates how liberal Harry is with his words. Sometimes they sound like something else. "Uh..."

"Uh what? You don't want to?"

"No. I do. I was just thinking. How soon?"

He shrugs. "Whenever you're ready. You tell me when you're available again and we can work around it."

Zayn nods but he's not exactly sure when he'll be available from now onward. His schedule isn't exactly a routine, of course. "Tomorrow. I'm available tomorrow."

Harry laughs but he's also confused. "That soon?"

"You said whenever I was available again, right?"

"Yeah, but—"

"And I'm available tomorrow. I fly out on Tuesday."

Harry stares at him. It's hard to read Zayn. He's not sure why it has to be so soon but he likes the idea of Zayn being eager to spend time with he and his daughter. It's so refreshing and welcomed.

"Alright then. Tomorrow at the John Williams Park. Will you meet me here or there?"

Zayn thinks a moment. "Give me a time and I'll meet you there."

"Three o'clock maybe?"

"Sure."

"Ah, ah!" Lola suddenly screams out and she hits at the table.

"Don't do that Lola." Harry tells her even though he knows it just means she wants more food. "Don't hit the table."

"Ehhh." She sings.

Immediately Zayn laughs. He remembers seeing her only from afar and wanting to talk to her but now that he has seen her and held her, he can't believe he was missing out on this. Even more so, Lola remembered him when he walked in Harry's house today. He didn't think she would remember him after having not seen her a little over a month but she did and something about Harry's baby girl remembering his face makes him feel a certain amount of mush inside. He wants to do everything for her. He wants to treat her like she is his own.

"I'm going to bring you another panda." He says. "Maybe I'll make it a thing. I'll bring you a panda every time I see you."

"Every time?"

"Yeah. Unless you don't like that idea."

"No. Of course not. Do what you want. But you don't have to."

Zayn smiles and reaches out to poke Lola's stomach. She giggles immediately. "You little softie. Maybe I'll call you Panda Bear too. How's that for a nickname, huh? Because you're cute and squishy."

Harry raises his brow. "Panda Bear?"

"Why? Is that ugly?"

"No." He looks at his daughter. "It's... It's cute actually. And she is kind of squishy."

"Panda Bear it is then." Zayn picks up his fork so he can return to eating again. After he chews and swallows a bite, he looks up to see Harry just staring across the table at him. "What?" He asks.

"Nothing."

He does get another bite of his salad but when he looks up, Harry is still looking at him. "Harry, stop. Don't make this dinner weird." He says before lowering his shoulders in defeat.

Harry redirects his attention elsewhere as he takes his own fork and pushes around the food on his plate. "Sorry." he mumbles.

But it's too late. It's already weird. Ignoring the way Harry's face has fallen, Zayn decides he'll be the one to feed Lola for the rest of the night.

 

➡➡➡➡➡

 

"It's about time Mr. Malik. We set a time for three o'clock and you're twenty minutes late."

"I know. Sorry."

Harry looks curiously up at him from the bench he's sitting at. Zayn looks rushed. Well his clothes and everything are fine but his facial expression and his breathing tell a different story. "Are you okay?"

Zayn plops down on the bench next to him. "I'm fine. I think. Nearly forgot to get this for Lola is all." He says as he hands Harry something in plastic. "And also I think the paparazzi followed me from the department store."

"Were you running from them?"

"I may have... tried to. But my driver is slow though."

Harry laughs. "Dude. It's no use. There was one here trying to get pictures of me and Lola about ten minutes ago and I'm sure they haven't left."

Zayn throws his hands up and lets them fall back down in his lap. "Ugh. Well it looks like it's out of the bag now."

"Well I would think that at some point it would be. But why so downhearted about that? Was this supposed to be kept a secret or something?"

"Oh no." He says with a quick shake of his head. "We have enough secrets between us."

"So why are you running?"

Zayn pauses. "I don't know." He finally breathes out. But Harry has a feeling there's something he's not telling him. Instead of asking him what it is, he turns his attention to Lola who's playing with the plastic.

"Anyway, what is this that you got for her?"

Zayn smiles proudly. "Wall stickers. Panda head wall stickers. There are three in the pack."

"Wow... You're really serious about this, aren't you?"

"Yep." He leans down to level with her. "How are you, Panda Bear? Do you like your new wall stickers?"

She reaches up to touch his face with her little hand. She likes his beard. A lot.

"Yeah, I think they're cool, too."

When Zayn sits up again, she looks up toward her father and Harry looks at Zayn. "Alright. I guess we should get going to the playground now. I'd say she's eager to go exploring now."

"Yeah."

"Do you want to hold her?"

Zayn lights up at the question. "Yes."

"Here."

Harry hands her to him and Zayn doesn't know why there is this overwhelming sense of warmth inside of him. It just is. He wonders if it has anything to do with the yellow sunhat she's wearing to match her bumble bee outfit— because it is rather adorable on her— or if it's just everything in general. Maybe it's because this is the closest he's felt to Harry in two years. There are just so many things to consider and he'd rather not have anything specific to point to. The mystery of it is fun. It keeps him guessing.

Harry folds his arms and smiles as they begin to walk. "There hasn't been much of a gap between yesterday and today. I really don't have anything to ask you, you know."

"That's okay. We're not even here to talk about us, remember? This is for Lola."

"True."

"So then let's do it for Lola. We've got plenty of time for all that other stuff."

Harry nods once but frowns when he looks off to his left and sees someone filming them. If Zayn had been trying to get away, then it surely doesn't matter now.

"See that, Lola?" He hears Zayn say and he faces him to see that he's actually stopped a few feet back. "That's a butterfly. Yeah, and the colors. You see them? Bright yellow and black. Isn't it pretty?"

But Lola only looks up at him to feel his beard again.

"No, don't look at me. Look at the butterfly. Look at the butterfly Lola."

Harry just laughs. "Seems like she'd rather touch your facial hair and watch you talk. She clearly has Harry genes."

"No she doesn't and shush. Stop saying stuff like that in public. Someone could hear you."

Harry looks around but he doesn't see anybody close by. Nobody heard him. "Alright, maybe we should move on. There will be plenty of butterflies to show her later."

Zayn agrees. "I say we continue walking the trail and then when we loop back around, we'll go to the playground. You?"

Harry puts his hands behind his back. "Sure."

So they go on walking side by side and after a while, Zayn hands Lola to Harry and takes the wall stickers from him. He tells him that this is an important bonding moment for him and his daughter to which Harry responds by saying he's glad Zayn is here with him because it makes it better. That statement only makes Zayn smile a little.

When they finally finish the trail and go to the playground, they are immediately bombarded by fans who want pictures. Harry can see the paparazzi a short distance away again but the best part about it is that they aren't allowed to harass him when he has his child. So at least for today, he gets to avoid their rude and prying questions.

"I'm so glad you're back together." One young girl tells Zayn.

"Thanks." He says.

"What do you think of Lola?"

"I love her. She's great, yeah?"

"Yeah."

He smiles before getting a few pictures with someone else.

"I'm proud of you and loved your first movie." Another girl tells Harry. "And, you make an awesome dad."

"Well, thank you."

"Are you gonna get anymore children?"

He chuckles slightly. "We'll see. I'm happy with Lola for now."

"You should do Lola fan mail so we can send her gifts." Another girl suggests and Harry smiles politely although he knows that's never going to happen. "I don't know. We'll see."

Right away, Lola gets fussy. Although she likes people, there are entirely too many that are surrounding her and running at her at once. She isn't used to that. Harry has always been good about keeping her away from that kind of spotlight and attention so early.

"Alright, that's enough pictures, please. Give us some space. Thank you for coming over to see us though."

Slowly they all disperse and when they're all gone, Harry and Zayn take Lola to the sandbox.

"Well that was a bit hectic for a moment. Can't wait to hear all the rumors tomorrow." Zayn says with obvious sarcasm in his voice as he folds his arms.

"Eh. Probably nothing we haven't heard before. I'm sure I can't be surprised anymore. I've heard worse— truly uncomfortable and disturbing things about me and I know that's more than anything they can come up with for this scenario."

Zayn nods but Harry still feels like there's something Zayn isn't telling him. Still again, he doesn't ask.

"What do you say we go out for a late lunch slash early dinner kind of thing and then go back home and put those stickers on the wall?"

Zayn fumbles with the plastic in his hands. "Okay."

 

*

*

*

 

"I feel like that's a bit crooked, Harry."

"It isn't."

"Look at the way the ears line up with the ceiling. I think it is kind of crooked."

"Nope."

"It is."

Harry shakes his head as he looks at the biggest wall sticker that he just put up. "Is not."

"Is too."

"No."

"Yes."

"Alright, fine." He pulls one of the small stickers from the pack and peels the back off. Then he just slaps it against the wall on the left side of the biggest sticker. Afterwards, he takes out the last small sticker, peels the back off and slaps it against wall on the right side of the biggest sticker. "There. Now it's not crooked anymore. It's abstract."

Zayn folds his arms and looks over at him. Harry's smart. But sometimes he's so smart that it irritates him. "Have it your way then."

"Well, you know if you were just going to be unhappy about this, then you could have just done this yourself."

"I would have but you're taller than me and your reach is higher."

"No excuses. I have a ladder. I believe you just wanted to watch me from behind. But that's totally understandable and nothing be ashamed of, you know."

Zayn sighs. "Harry."

"What?"

"It's barely been a month and a half. Why do you keep insisting on making things uncomfortable between us?"

He leans against the wall. "It was just a joke."

"Yeah, but it's a joke that makes me feel guilty. And..." He looks over at Lola, who's pulling herself up by the chair in the room. "She's here. That's not... something I want to joke about. It's still too soon for me."

 _Hmm._ Something about that last sentence creates suspicion with Harry and leads him to believe there's more than what meets the eye. Perhaps Zayn wasn't as over it as he thought he was. Maybe he only wants to forget because he might've felt something from those nights too. Maybe he didn't come out of it so unscathed either.

"Okie dokie. I won't joke about it then."

"Thank you."

Harry sees his daughter still holding herself up by the chair and the expression on her face tells him what is happening. He leans off the wall and walks over to her so he can pick her up. "You just messed your diaper, didn't you? I guess I better get you cleaned up then."

She's quiet as he takes her out of the room. Zayn is sure Harry wants him to follow them but he stays back to regather his thoughts instead. Harry's little joke actually made him hot. And it wasn't necessarily with embarrassment either. Oh, it was surely something else other than that. And although it's something he can't quite point to, he knows it's something he hates to feel at a time like this.

His eyes roam the room until they land on a familiar photo in a pink and white frame on the dresser. Without hesitation, he walks over to it and picks it up. It's a picture of Harry holding Lola. He's also standing in front of a banner that reads **"Welcome Home Lola."** He smiles hugely because now he remembers this photo. This is the photo he liked of Lola the day Harry first got her. Except the photo he liked was cropped to only show Lola. He had no idea Harry was also in the original one.

He looks at Harry and sees him smiling so big. Seeing those two rows of teeth make him think. He can't believe he missed out on seeing this smile live and in person for two whole years. It feels good to see it now. Everything between he and Harry are back to the way he wants them to be. Well almost. There is still that weird cloud of the past that keeps getting in the way.

He doesn't realize his fingers are touching Harry's face over the glass until he hears Harry in the doorway. He jumps.

"Zayn, you have got to see this. I know she's going to be walking in no time soon."

He carefully sits the frame back down in its proper place. "Oh. Really? Okay. I'll be there in a minute."

Harry pauses when he sees what he had in his hand. "Are you... Are you alright, man?"

"Yeah. I'm cool. I'll be there in a moment." He says.

His voice drags out to show that he's worried. "Well alright. We'll be in the living room."

"Okay."

When Harry leaves the room again, Zayn bends down to look at the picture once more. _It's just Harry. It's just Harry and his daughter on the day he brought her home._ Sure. But there's something about this picture. There's something about this picture that makes him feel... left out. And what's worse, he doesn't even know why.

 

➡➡➡➡➡

 

_**Harry Styles Takes Daughter, Lola on Play Date With Zayn Malik!** _

_Remember when we were all sad that One Direction might never ever get back together? Well calm your horses one direction fans because things are finally moving in the right direction! While there has yet to be a 1D reunion,  One Direction member/Dunkirk Actor, Harry Styles was spotted at John Williams Park on Monday afternoon as he took his beautiful daughter Lola out for some bonding time._

_However, accompanied by the two was his former band member Zayn Malik. That's right. The rumors were true! Looks like things are just peachy in Zayn and Harry land._

_They spent the afternoon walking Lola through the park and even took her to the playground for some time in the sandbox. And they were kind enough to take a few pictures with fans before Harry requested to be alone with Lola. Later in the evening, fans spotted the three of them going into a local family owned restaurant not too far away. It's been said that the best way to a man's heart is his stomach. Perhaps that is the source of the reunion after all!_

_Of course, although Zayn and Harry appear to have made up and put all differences aside, we still have no word on Zayn's relationship with the other three members. Is it possible they are looking to follow in Harry's footsteps now? Or is it possible that there is jealousy or anger over the rekindled friendship? We don't know. But for now, we will keep our ears open and our eyes peeled. And you should too!_

_Scroll to see more pictures of Harry Styles, Lola Styles and Zayn Malik_

_[◀] 1 of 13 [▶]_

 

➡➡➡➡➡

 

Over the course of the next three and a half months, Zayn flies back to California to see Harry and Lola three times. One of them was a few days after Lola's first birthday since he had to be somewhere else and couldn't make the party. A fourth visit came when he met them in the UK, but that was only because they happened to be there at the same time. It wasn't planned. Gigi also met Lola, but that was the most awkward situation for Harry and he's positive that he doesn't want to go through that ever again. To his surprise, even Zayn shares the same sentiments.

Right now he's currently being interviewed because his first solo album was just released a couple weeks ago. They've just talked about his music and they've already asked him about his fans and how he feels about his solo career. But as Harry has learned, he will never escape the questions about Lola.

"So of course, you're a daddy." The interviewer says. "How's Lola?"

"She's great." He says with a smile. "Still active. But I think even more so now, now that she's walking."

"Oh yes, you shared with us a video of her walking at her first birthday party."

"Yeah, she was unsteady but those little legs were working."

The interviewer laughs. "Well it was cute. We all loved it. Your mother shared that adorable picture of her in the high chair too. My heart almost melted."

He nodded. "Yeah, mum loves her. She's her first grandchild. Lola is going to be a very spoiled little girl."

"By your mum?"

"By all of us."

"What's she into now? What does she like?"

Harry sits up and puts his elbows on his knees. He even chuckles because he can't believe he's about to say this. "She's into pandas. She doesn't really know much about them, but when she sees them— you know, when we walk around in a store— she points them out immediately."

"Any idea why?"

He nods. "Zayn. Every time he visits, he brings something panda related. She's got books, she's got a panda play mat. She's got the stuffed animal versions. There are stickers on the wall. There are so many panda things at home. And on top of that, her nickname is Panda Bear."

"Really? That's adorable."

"Thanks. Zayn came up with it and it just stuck. She answers to that and to Lola."

"That's so great and it's also great to see you and Zayn getting closer as well. We know you're both busy with your own solo careers and he's in a relationship currently. But we like to see you two making time for each other in your personal lives. Friendship is a beautiful thing."

"It is."

Soon after that, the subject drifts back to music and song writing and before long, it's over. Surprisingly after this interview, it's when Harry begins to realize how big of an impact Zayn is having on his daughter's life.

 

➡➡➡➡➡

 

Zayn wasn't sure if he would be able to make this New Year's celebration or not. There was a high possibility that he might've been in another city for a photoshoot for a line of clothing at the time. But they postponed that to the following weekend. There was also the possibility that he might spend it with Gigi and her friends at Time Square in New York. And she did invite him to come with them. But he declined it because he had already been invited by Harry. She didn't mind him going, so he did and that's why he finds himself standing in the park next to Harry who's holding Lola on his hip.

They'd spent the day hoping she wouldn't fall asleep so they could show her the pretty fireworks. But that didn't happen. And Harry never made any plans for the nanny to take care of her while they were gone, so he had just bundled her up, put noise cancelling headphones on her and brought her to the park. Currently, she sleeps on Harry's shoulder and drools onto his coat.

"I don't really like this." Zayn whispers the second he sees the clock counting down from one minute.

"What?"

"Everybody is going to kiss when that clock strikes zero. And we're just going to be in the midst of the crowd, looking like two single people that can't get dates. Awkward."

Harry's jaw drops. "Hey, I'm single and also highly offended by that."

"Right. Sorry." And he stuffs his hands in his pockets.

"I mean, if you're hinting though."

"No I was not hinting. And you should stop because we're surrounded by a lot of ears."

"But I wasn't even talking about me. I was talking about Lola.... Kissing her on the cheek, of course."

Zayn gives him the look. He knows he's lying. He always knows when he's lying . "Yeah right. I know what you meant. Just stop."

Harry laughs but keeps his voice low. "Did you want to?"

"No. And I don't like that you're entertaining this either."

"But you brought it up."

"Yeah as a statement. Not as a hint. I'd be crazy to do something like that. And then with all the people around here waiting for pictures to go in gossip articles. You're crazy for even joking about it."

Harry nods once with his lips scrunched tightly and Zayn tilts his head sideways. Harry did that all the time when they were in the band together. It's usually a sign that he doesn't agree with something and knowing that sends the cold air down to Zayn's bones.

"What? Why are you looking like that? _Do you_ want to?"

Before Harry can answer that, the fireworks go off as the crowd simultaneously yells "Happy New Year!" They look up quickly and see colors in the sky and the fireworks blast loudly. Zayn glances at Lola to see if she was disturbed at all but he finds that she isn't and the headphones did their job. That's too bad though. He would love to see the look on her face when she saw fireworks for the first time.

He leans over to kiss her on the forehead and even still, she doesn't stir at all. Just as he folds his arms and looks up. He feels warm breath hitting his ear and a pair of lips graze it.

"To answer your question," Harry says. "Yes. I do want to kiss you."

Immediately, Zayn's breath hitches and he slowly turns his head to look at Harry. By the time his eyes land on him though, Harry's looking up at the fireworks show and not paying attention to him at all. It's almost as if he never said those words to him. He tries his best to concentrate on the rest of the celebration but it's extremely hard because now he can't stop having flashbacks. He's done a good job burying everything down in the deepest part of his brain and leaving it untouched but with a simple confession like that from Harry, suddenly it's all been dug up just like that.

He didn't want to remember the way Harry's lips tasted or better yet, his tongue because of the Bud Light he had just before they kissed. And he didn't want to remember how surprised he was that Harry was actually pretty soft. His skin, he means. He kind of didn't expect that from a man as big and broad as Harry but he was. He also never wanted to remember Harry's hands on his own skin. How cool and electric they were and the way they ignited his senses. Their bodies shouldn't have fit together as perfectly as they did either but they did that night. Why did they have to fit perfectly? Why couldn't he have just hated what happened between them? It would have made it easier to forget and it certainly would not have caused him to replay that night over in his brain and do it so much that his body temperature rises in a matter of seconds.

He takes off his coat and drapes it over his arm. "Harry, I'm ready to go." He quickly says. Because he has to ride home with Harry. He's going to be spending the night with him and Lola but now he's not so sure that was the right decision anymore.

"Alright. Sure. Let's go."

They shuffle through the crowd and unlike last time, they don't stop for pictures. The car ride is pretty quiet, which Zayn is glad for. But that doesn't make it any less awkward. When they get home, Harry puts Lola to bed where she belongs. She does cry and fuss quite a bit and Zayn understands why. They've been constantly moving her around since she first fell asleep.

Zayn has his pajama bottoms on and is slipping on his T-shirt when Harry knocks on the door of the guestroom he's to be sleeping in for tonight. Dreading seeing his face, he yells toward the door. "What do you want Harry?"

"I want to talk to you."

"Can't you wait until tomorrow?"

"No. I think we should talk tonight. Open the door please."

Zayn thinks about not opening it and just going to bed. But he also realizes he's eventually going to have to open it when he leaves since he doesn't plan on slipping out of the window or anything like that. So it's really only a matter of now or later. Besides, he's doesn't really have a reason to be _mad_ at Harry. Harry just gave him a truthful answer to his question. It's his fault for asking.

He reluctantly walks to the door and opens it. Harry's standing there with his arms just dangling at his side. He still hasn't changed into his sleepwear yet.

"What?"

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. Why?"

Harry scrunches his brow. "You're not mad?"

"Nope."

Harry breathes a sigh of relief. "Oh. Good. With all the silence, I thought you were for a second."

"Did you mean what you said or where you just joking?"

"Yes. I meant it. I wouldn't have said it if I didn't."

Zayn growls and puts his hands over his face. "See?! This is exactly what I didn't want. Why do you keep insisting and insisting? Don't you know how frustrating this is? I'm trying to forget and you won't!"

"I thought you weren't mad."

"I'm not mad! I told you... I'm just frustrated."

"That's some pretty loud frustration then. You think you could try not to wake Lola in the process?"

Zayn tightens his lips. "Listen. I wanted to be friends, okay? I wanted to be the versions of Zayn and Harry that were fresh off the X Factor and not worried about keeping secrets and feeling guilty. Now I just... I can't stop thinking about it. I keep having fucking flashbacks and it's driving me crazy."

"Me too though."

Zayn scoffs. "Yeah right. You seem to be very delighted in the memories and who knows what else you're thinking about."

Harry doesn't say anything. Just watches Zayn walk into the bedroom with his hands on his hips. He's shaking his head and looking down at the floor. "Fuck you Harry." He says. "You make me so upset sometimes."

Harry sighs open mouthed. "What do you want me to do, Zayn?"

He faces him abruptly but stays calm. "How about you shut up about it? We promised the night we finally made up that we were going keep it low key. Don't you remember that, hm?"

"Yeah. For everyone else. Not for us. We already know."

Zayn laughs sarcastically. "But you're not even doing that right. That's the point. You ruined a perfectly great New Year's with that. Ruined it."

Harry folds his arms. He knew he was about to blamed for this. He saw it coming ahead of time so he's not angry. "Maybe we should both examine ourselves then. What are either of us here for, really?"

That confuses Zayn. "What?"

"I'm saying sure we made up. But it's clear what happened is engraved in our memories and neither of us can forget the way it made us feel. And we know damn well that no sort of normality is coming out of this friendship because we're too busy focusing on omitting stuff to try to make it more tolerable. But I don't want to omit stuff anymore. I want to talk about it. Because I know why I'm here."

"Of course you do. You're not the one who cheated on your fiancée."

"No but that's exactly the point. You know how I feel. You know how I feel because I told you the day we made up. But you still keep coming back. You keep putting me in a position to frustrate you and then you complain before repeating the cycle all over again, almost as if that's what you want. So what are you here for, really?"

Zayn shrugs carelessly. "I don't know."

"That's funny, cause I do."

Zayn narrows his eyes at him. "You don't know shit."

Harry puts his hands behind his back and walks toward Zayn until he stops in front of him. "Oh but I do. And every time you visit us, it gets clearer and clearer. Looks like I'm not the only one who accidentally got emotionally attached from that night, am I?

Zayn's eyes widen in surprise. But only briefly. He doesn't answer directly.

"See, I knew it!"

"Okay, but it was still a mistake!" Zayn says as he tries to defend himself. "The kiss. Well, the first kiss it was cool. I kinda got over it 'cause it was easier to blame it on the beers but the second time when we did what we did, it was hard to forget that. The last thing I wanted was for either of us to get attached. But you of course found a way to make sure that happened anyway."

"We both found a way. It's not just my fault."

"I know. Which I regret a lot." He sighs a bit whiny. "Honestly, I came here because I wanted to be friends again. I didn't want the rest of our lives to be spent apart all because of the way I left the band. That was my intention. You want the truth? Fine. I don't know why I'm here anymore. I don't even know how or what I feel. It's just... Ugh!" He shakes his head and looks at the wall in frustration.

Harry tries his best to show empathy. "It's complicated. I know."

"More than complicated. I didn't want you to know I felt anything. But I think coming here might be having the opposite affect on me. I didn't expect it to happen like this."

"But it has. So now what?"

They stand there in the room looking at each other until Zayn decides to ask the question he wants to know the answer to. "Are you mad that I hid this until now?"

"No."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Positive. Now is as good as any time. And I still stand by my words."

"What words?"

"The ones that ruined your New Year's in the first place."

Zayn smiles a more relaxed smile. "You want to kiss me? Still? It's been two and a half years."

"Yes. Yes it has. Which means it's overdue."

"But I have a girlfriend, remember?"

"Wow, I totally forgot. Funny that I don't remember that stopping me last time though."

Zayn thinks for a moment as he shoves his hands in his pajama pockets. Something is about to be fucked up big time on this night. He can feel it. "You'd better not even think about leaning over here and kissing me." He smiles even wider now.

Harry looks suspiciously at him. He knows what he's doing and he likes where this is going. "But I can't help but to want to do it anyway. I want to do it. You know I do."

Zayn looks down and gasps. "Oh no."

"What?"

"My hands are in my pockets and I can't take them out in time to stop you or push you away."

Harry laughs now. "Oh man, that was so pathetic. That was awful acting."

"But that's why you're the one in the movie and I'm not, am I right?"

"Hmph. You're not lying."

Harry leans in to kiss Zayn and ironically so, it is still unexpected. His head tilts back some since he's a bit shorter than Harry but it's still good and his tongue is flavorless which makes this hotter than it should be. Harry brings a hand to the side of Zayn's face to keep him in place. But after a moment, Zayn giggles into it, which makes Harry stop to admire him. Zayn hasn't quite had enough yet, so he kisses him twice. He's smiling all dopey by the time they're done.

"So... You kissed me back, Zayn."

"It was an accident."

Harry hums, immediately finding the humor in it. "And now I'm accidentally turned on. Interesting."

"Yep. Interesting enough to accidentally do something about it."

Harry laughs. "You're going to regret it worse than the kiss tomorrow."

"I know."

Zayn scurries pass him, closes the bedroom door and turns off the lights. Before Harry is aware, Zayn's back in front of him and he's fumbling with his belt. But he's having a hard time getting it loose.

"You and these skinny jeans, I swear."

"It's not the jeans, it's the belt."

"Then choose a better belt."

"Zayn, most belts work the same and mine is pretty normal. You're the one who wants to fuck in the dark. Why is that anyway?"

"Because the less I see, the less I remember."

"Oh." Harry says. "I guess that makes sense."

Zayn finally gets his belt loose and stops briefly to kiss him. He catches his chin but that's completely alright. "I know."


	3. These Little Wonders

"Are you alright?"

Zayn looks up from the couch he's sitting on to see Gigi there. She's standing in front of him and she wears a look of concern.

"Yeah. I'm okay." He mumbles.

"Are you sure? You've seemed kind of down since you got back."

 _That would be the guilt._ "Yeah. I'm fine."

She sits down on the couch and pulls her feet up underneath her body. "Nothing bad happened with Harry when you were there, did it? Because you guys just made up."

"No we're still fine."

"Good." She smiles brightly at him and he thinks her smile is one of the most adorable smiles he's ever seen, besides his sisters' of course. But not only that, it gives him a certain amount of comfort. Because with her beautiful smile, he knows that he has nothing to worry about. Nobody knows what happened on New Year's except he and Harry. That's all whom he hopes will ever know.

_"If they don't ask, we don't tell. And even if they do ask, we still don't tell."_

That was the agreement the next morning when they woke up next to each other. And really, that has always been the agreement. But now they're in much deeper than then and it's more imperative than ever that they keep their mouths shut.

Rumors are just rumors. No matter what people say, rumors are just rumors until they're confirmed. Zayn has dealt with rumors on numerous occasions in and out of the band. He and Harry both have and although it got old and annoying pretty quick, they've learned to ignore it. But this time is different. This time it's more than themselves. Harry has a daughter now. And she's going to be affected by this too if the truth gets out. They can't risk that.

He's immediately calms when he feels Gigi softly pushing her fingers through his hair. This is so wrong, he knows. But he doesn't want to give her up because he loves her. He loves her very much. He just... Had a momentary laps of weakness. Yeah... That's all.

He sits there next to her and he doesn't say sword. But that's okay because she doesn't really say anything either. When this is over, he'll likely go smoke a cigarette because he needs more time to think about everything he's done. He needs time to see how bad he's messed up. Maybe by then he'll know if he's still worth the keep.

 

➡➡➡➡➡

 

Harry is currently on Good Morning America. His daughter is here with him and sitting in his lap because today is his twenty fourth birthday and he wanted to share this special day with her. He's glad he did because she seems to be happier with him. She's been having a little bit of separation anxiety as of late.

Which by the way, was the last thing Harry expected. Whenever he left home or the hotel suite for something absolutely important that he couldn't bring her to, he would leave her with a nanny. He thought that having experience with other caregivers at such a young age would take care of the separation anxiety before it started but it didn't. He thinks it's because she's just learned that Harry is going to be permanent and she doesn't want him to leave. And he's glad for that because it makes him feel special, knowing that Lola isn't really his own by flesh and blood.

"She's so cute." The host tells him. "Just so precious."

"Thank you." Harry says.

"You're welcome. How's daddy life treating you as a whole?"

"Well." He says. "It's treating me very well."

"That's good. We're all so happy for you. And look at her. She's already one years old."

"I know. They grow up so fast, don't they?"

She nods. "They do. But she still has seventeen more years to go. So there's plenty of time for you to enjoy her."

"Are you kidding me? Seventeen? But I've already packed her bags."

The host and audience laughs but they know he's joking so they pay that no mind. "You seem like such a great father to her and she looks like she really loves you back."

"She does." He turns to his daughter. "Lola. Do you love daddy?"

She just looks at him. So he repeats himself.

"Do you love daddy, Lola?"

"No."

He gasps but he also can't help but laugh. "She knows about eight words but she always says that one at the wrong time. It's actually the second word she ever learned."

"Aw." The audience coos.

"What was her first?"

"Bye."

"Bye? That's interesting."

"Yeah, but lately she hates when I say it. Like, she'll— she'll start to cry. Maybe it's because I say it so often. You know with my lifestyle and everything. So I try to say 'see you later' instead."

The host places her hand over her chest. "Aw, well you are a single father who's busy more than average. Do you feel like someone might be in your future to help you raise Lola?"

He forces a smile. That question always makes him uncomfortable. "Actually, I don't know. I feel like if someone comes, they come and if they don't, they don't. I think when you're bringing someone into your life, it's easier cause you know how you are and what you you like. But when you have a child, it's different. Even when they're just Lola's age and can only say eight words, they will still react to the people you bring around them so you have to be careful. I think I'm fine not rushing things."

"We hear that. And I think we'll leave it at that as well. It's been a pleasure interviewing you and Good Morning America is honored to be the first to have your beautiful daughter in an interview with you. Especially on your birthday."

"Thank you."

She looks out into the crowd. "Alright everybody, give it up for Harry and Lola Styles!"

The crowd cheers and she looks into the camera as they get ready for commercial break. "When we come back, Harry Styles will perform two songs from his debut album that came out just last year. You don't want to miss it so don't go anywhere. You're watching GMA."

 

➡➡➡➡➡

 

Zayn is here to visit again. And it's a little bit odd because it's the first visit since New Year's Day. So it's been about a month and a half, but not quite. Harry was supposed to visit him at his LA home but Zayn changed plans last minute for some unknown reason. Harry thinks Zayn's just more comfortable in this environment since Lola's things are all here and there's nothing of hers at his place.

"Dada."

"Hold on. I'll be back."

Lola stands in the middle of the floor and watches him pass her. The second he disappears around the corner, she bursts into tears and starts to follow him. Her legs are short, so they don't carry her as far. By the time she makes it halfway there, Harry's coming back and someone she knows is following him. That someone also has something strange in his hands and there's stuff on it like the stuff she has in her room. What is that thing?

"Panda Bear... Why are you crying?"

She stops and rubs her eyes as she looks at him.

"It's okay. Let's go into the living room. I've got something for you. Come on."

The tears slowly begin to subside and she follows Zayn down the hallway. When they get there, he sits his gift down in the middle of the floor and sits down to level with her. "This is a chair." He says as he points to it to show her what he's referring to.

"Jair." She says and he chuckles.

"Good job." He leans over and picks her up so he can sit her down in it. "Do you like it?"

She points to something on the arm of the cloth chair. "Ah."

"That's a panda. It matches everything in your room. Including those crooked wall stickers."

Harry rolls his eyes but he takes a seat on the couch to watch them.

"And see, it's green. It matches your wall."

She kicks her feet happily and he grins from ear to ear. He loves it when Lola loves his gifts. All he wants to do is put a smile on her face. "Do you feel better now?"

She only looks up at him and sticks her tongue out and up to lick the snot that ran from her nose.

"No more tears?"

She sneezes and he jumps back. "Oh boy, let's go get your nose cleaned."

He stands up and takes her hand. The chair is made for toddlers slightly bigger than her size, so she's able to stand up with a little help and let him guide her to the bathroom. When they reach the bathroom, Zayn snatches Kleenex from a box next to the sink and wipes her nose. She patiently waits for him to finish.

"Wow. I don't know if I should be happy or offended. You spoke to Lola and never spoke to me."

Zayn glances up toward the bathroom door to see Harry there, but only briefly. "Oh. I was going to."

"Sure about that? Because you were ignoring me pretty well."

"I'm sure."

When Zayn finishes wiping her nose, he rises to his feet. He looks impatiently at Harry. "You know I need time, Harry. I can't just do that and not feel anything when I see you again."

"I thought you already had time. You haven't really spoken to me since New Year's Day. That's a whole month and some. No texts, no calls. And the text to tell me you were coming to visit doesn't count. I meant texting as friends do."

Zayn sighs. "Stop using that word, please."

"What word?"

"You know what word. Stop saying it."

"What? Friends? Why?"

"Because it makes me feel ..." He shivers. "Uncomfortable. We're not friends."

He folds his arms. Then what are we?"

He slides pass Harry out of the bathroom but doesn't look him in the eye.

"What? You're not going to answer? I knew our first encounter after that would be weird but come on. Can't we do better than this? Maybe we did get... intimate that night but that doesn't mean it has to affect the friendship aspect of our relationship."

"Actually it does. And it's obviously affecting it now because we can't even agree."

Well... that's true and Harry knows it. "Okay, so what's your term then? Secret lovers? Friends with benefits? Fuck buddies? Because I believe we haven't reached either of those statuses. It's not like we're fucking around. It was one time. Well... Twice. But over a period of four years? That's nothing."

Zayn cringes. "Don't curse. Lola's in there."

"Oh. Right. I'm sorry. I just don't want this to get in the way and screw things up. Especially for you and you know that I've got Lola now who'll be affected too. I realize I was the one who didn't want to forget last time and that just made things worse. So I'm trying to pretend it never happened this time."

Zayn shakes his head. "You can't. You and I both know darn well that's not going to work. We tried to pretend last time and where did that lead us?" Zayn thinks about that night and frowns. "I still think I permanently damaged my head when I hit that headboard."

Harry feels a slightly humorous tease coming on and he just has to say it. "The less you see, the less you remember, right? Did you say that because you predicted a concussion?"

Zayn doesn't want to laugh, but he can't help it. "Shut up. My memory is quite fine. Thank you very much."

"Oh good. I wouldn't want you to forget waking up next to me."

"You mean forget waking up next to that hideous bed hair that I saw at least two total years during our time in the band? Never in a million years."

"Please, you loved it."

"Eh, it was alright."

"Alright?" Harry looks genuinely offended.

"Yeah. It was alright. I actually preferred you better when we were in the dark. But I admit I'm disappointed Harry. Because I really thought you knew that."

His unhappy expression turns into one of delight as Zayn turns and makes his way toward the living room again. Did Zayn just casually admit he really liked what they did? He thought he was supposed to feel regret. He folds his arms and looks down at Lola as Zayn disappears. She looks up at him blankly and then yawns to show eight of her ten teeth. "Sleepy?" He asks. "You want nap time?"

She nods. "Nap."

"Alright then. Come on Panda Bear." He picks her up and takes her upstairs. After laying her down in her crib, he takes a seat in the chair in the corner of the room to watch her. It doesn't even take her ten minutes to go to sleep, but he still sits there for a moment to think about where he stands with Zayn right now.

He knows that neither of them are blaming the other for what happened. But he still doesn't really know where things will go from here. Zayn doesn't appear to regret his choices from that night either. So what does it mean? Not that he's expecting some sort of explanation or confirmation of a relationship status from Zayn because he's fully aware of how Zayn feels about his girlfriend. He just wants to be sure this won't come back to bite either of them in the ass. Especially Zayn, because he has a tendency to wallow in guilt even if he doesn't actually regret it.

New Year's flashes through his mind briefly and he sighs down in his lap. He remembers it well. Mostly how Zayn felt under his fingertips but he still remembers it well. Out of all that though, it was waking up next to him that made him happiest. It was just like old times when he woke up beside him in the hotel room when they were on tour. Only this time, it was much different because they were naked and their legs were tangled. He wasn't sure if it got much better than that.

He hears Lola make a soft noise and he gets up and walks over to the crib. She's still sleeping, so he slips out of the room and downstairs. He returns to the living room and finds Zayn lying out in the middle of the floor on his back. He has his phone up and seems to be very occupied with it. But Harry sits down next to him and lies beside him so that his whole side touches Zayn's side.

"Where's Lola?" Zayn questions.

"Down for her nap. I think she was crying earlier because she was fighting sleep."

"Aw. That's too bad. But I'll be ready for her when she wakes."

Harry puts his hands across his belly and notice's Lola's new chair in front of him not too far from his feet. "We should probably talk about these gifts you're giving Lola." He says out of nowhere.

Zayn faces him. He's not really bothered by how close their faces are. "Why?"

"For one, you're giving her more things than I'm giving her and I'm her father. And second of all, I think you're giving her stuff too often. I don't want her to get in a habit of receiving a gift every time you come to visit. Eventually, she's going to keep expecting it and I'm worried she won't grow to love you for the reasons she's supposed to love you for."

"What reasons?"

"That you care for her. That you want what's best for her and that you you're kind and thoughtful outside of giving gifts. You know, real things. And also because you kiss her daddy. That too. That's a very important aspect."

Zayn cracks a smile as he sits his phone down beside him on the floor. "You just had to put that in there, huh? I knew you couldn't forget. You've never been able to forget."

"You're the one who told me not to worry about trying. Besides, I never wanted to forget. I was just going to do it for the sake of us."

"Us. There's an us?"

"The friendship part of us."

"But we're not friends."

"Zayn, don't start that again—"

"We're more than friends."

Harry freezes where he is. He can't believe those words just came out of his mouth. Zayn's not single. He can't be walking around saying stuff like that. "What?"

He shrugs as he looks at Harry. "It's true. We know how we feel. We know what we did together. We're more than friends. I don't want to beat around the bush anymore. I'm okay with admitting it as long as the truth stays between us two."

Harry's face is only inches from Zayn's so he can see the sincerity in his eyes. But it still feels like a catch. "Really? You're okay with that?"

"I don't have a choice. We've already crossed the line and we can't take it back. It's where we go from here that I'm not sure of. I'm still trying to wrap my head around everything else so bear with me. I don't want to hurt anybody."

"And that's okay. Me either." Harry says quickly. "I don't want to either."

"Good."

They smile at each other and Zayn closes and covers his eyes. He doesn't know why but this whole conversation partially embarrassed him. He's still smiling when he feels a pair of lips on his. It's rather quick but he knows that's what it was. He opens his eyes and looks over at Harry. "You just kissed me."

"I know."

"I hate you."

"You love me."

"No."

"I believe you do."

Zayn shakes his head up at the sky. "I don't."

Harry then leans over him and starts up a playful challenge. "Are you positive about that?"

"More than."

"Mmm. I can't trust that." Harry kisses him again and this one lasts slightly longer. Much to his surprise, Zayn gives in right away and pokes out his lips to kiss back. "Still feel the same way?"

Light laughter. "Worse. I hate you more." He mumbles against Harry's lips before engaging him in yet another. But this one is quite lengthy and so sweet.

When it's over, Harry shakes his head and laughs but he has butterflies in his stomach. He's sure it's because of the contentment he feels because this is the way he felt every time he looked at Lola the very first week he got her. He collapses halfway on Zayn and clears his throat. "What do you say we nap down here while she naps upstairs. You know she usually naps a while so I think I'm going to let her sleep all the way through it today."

"Eh. Fine with me." Zayn reaches for his phone again but Harry doesn't budge from him. He doesn't understand why they keep making the same mistakes over and over again. Why can't they just set a boundary and vow not to cross it ever again? Why is that so hard to do? He can't put a finger on it and right now he wants to give up trying. All he knows is right now. And if this is really what it feels like to be hated by Zayn, well then maybe there's a way he can have this all the time. Because he really, really wants it.

 

➡➡➡➡➡

 

Four months go by and in each one, Zayn pays Harry and Lola a visit. Twice he brings her a gift. The first time he brings a panda pillow with the matching blanket and the second time, he gets her a stuffed teddy bear that says "I love you" on one of its feet and "very much" on the other. Harry doesn't know what to say because he never expected that. He never ever thought that Zayn would come to love his daughter as much as he does.

Somewhere in there, Zayn tried but failed to stop lying to himself. Every time he went home to Gigi and spent all that time with her, he told himself that the next time he was going to end it; that the limit would be friendship _for sure._ But each time he saw Harry... Each time he went around him and his baby girl, a tidal wave of feelings would just come over him and paralyze him from the brain down. He gave in like a house of cards.

They accidentally shared another night in the dark again. Except this time it wasn't exactly "dark" and it certainly was no "accident". So not only could he feel Harry, he could see him. He could see his beautiful face and everything he had to offer him and he wanted it. They both did.

So much for keeping it from Lola though. They usually wait until she's off to bed or out of the room to show any type of affection. But she caught them one day when she walked into the living room at Zayn's house. Zayn panicked so badly Harry thought that was the end of it all. He didn't calm down until Harry told him it was a good thing because it was between the three of them now and that he was glad there were no secrets between he and his daughter. Even though he'll never tell Harry, Zayn knows he has a type of love for them both so he wouldn't want to be the one to come between them.

Not that Harry is content with being a side lover— because he doesn't want to be anybody's side _anything—_ but he's satisfied with what they have. If things get more serious or crucial later on, then he'll see where to go from there. If he's being honest with himself though, Zayn's been acting strange lately. Many times when they have phone conversations, Zayn seems far off. He's kept the conversations short and doesn't dive much into anything. He's a totally different person from the person he sees when he's with him. It reminds him of what Zayn's last year in the band was like and he knows how that eventually turned out. He hopes it doesn't mean Zayn will just up and leave again.

Currently, he's on the phone with him while he cooks dinner. Zayn just finished talking to Lola. "Zayn."

"Yeah?"

"Do you know when you're coming back to visit? I'd like to plan for it to make sure I'm in town and don't have too many plans that day."

"No. I don't know. I'm gonna be busy over the next couple months. I'm not sure when or if I'll be able to come between now and then."

Harry sighs but he understands. Zayn's had new music out a little over two months now so he's been busy doing that and trying to go places to perform. Harry won't bother him. "Alright, I'll see you whenever. Just don't forget to tell me when you're coming."

"Yeah, okay."

"See you later."

"You too." When Harry hangs up, he places the phone on the counter and looks down at Lola who's bouncing up and down on her bare feet. "You think Zayn is okay?" He asks.

She stops what she's doing to hug his leg and she laughs up at him. "Play."

He chuckles but returns to stirring what's in the bowl. "After dinner, baby. But only for a short while because you have to go to bed."

"No."

He gives her a warning look now. "Yes you do. And you will."

She understands what the look means. She knows it means that daddy's not playing and that what daddy says goes. But she still hugs his leg.

When he's done stirring, he pours what's in the bowl into a dish to be put in the oven later. For a moment he closes his eyes and sighs as he faces the ceiling. The phone conversation may have ended but that doesn't mean he's stopped thinking about it. Zayn was distant yet again. There something he isn't telling him and Harry knows it. He can only hope it isn't what he thinks it is.

 

➡➡➡➡➡

 

To Harry's disappointment, Zayn never visits over the next three months. If it weren't for his busy life or his daughter he would probably be going out of his mind about that.

Sure, Harry understands that Zayn's obligations come first and so should his girlfriend. But Zayn has been extremely quiet on social media with the exception of important things. Harry himself doesn't often use social media but he has been using it to check on Zayn lately. He's used it to see were Zayn is and he's also searched his name on Google to see where he might be scheduled to attend, just to see if he was really that busy with career things or if he just made excuses to keep from coming to see him.

He shouldn't really be this worried because he and Zayn have made no commitments to anything. And it's not like what they're doing isn't wrong either. But he guesses it's because of how much he's has been involved in Lola's life now and if Zayn just ripped himself away from that, he would be devastated all over again. And he's not sure if he can bring himself to forgive Zayn a second time. Not when his baby girl will be affected.

Right now it's after nine o'clock. Lola is finally asleep in her crib so Harry can now have some alone time. He sits in front of his laptop at the dining room table and decides he'll check something before he goes to bed in a few minutes. He already has on his pajamas. Google has just come up on the screen, so he types Zayn's name into the search bar. After clicking the search button, he waits for the results to load and it isn't long before they do. The first headline is a news related article of Zayn. But when Harry reads it, he freezes where he is.

"What?"

The words he sees make his stomach drop but he still reads them again.

"What the fuck?" He mumbles as he clicks on the webpage for the article. This is the last thing he ever expected to happen. When did it even happen? How did it happen? More importantly, why?

_**Zayn Malik and Gigi Hadid Split!** _

_Zayn Malik is talented when it comes to his voice but apparently not so much when comes to his relationships. Just yesterday, we received word that Zayn Malik and his girlfriend of three years, Gigi Hadid have split. The pair became a couple late in 2015 not long after Zayn surprised us all and broke off his engagement with fiancée Perrie Edwards, a member Little Mix. They shared a New York apartment and seemed almost inseparable. But the famous saying remains true. All good things do come to an end._

_But where did things go wrong? We all thought they were a cute couple. Though we don't know all the facts, sources close to Gigi say that the breakup took place a week ago before Zayn was spotted in the UK on Wednesday. "It was a shock to her because it happened after they came back from lunch." They said._

_Aw. That makes us sad. But at least he didn't dump her by text message this time!_

_The source went on to say Gigi "thought things could possibly go to the next level and she's very disappointed that they didn't. She does still love him though. That hasn't changed."_

_However, since it is official, we wish them both the best of luck in their careers and future relationships. And we especially hope that someday soon Zayn can finally settle for good. So how do you feel about the Zigi breakup? Did it make you sad, happy, puzzled? Share your thoughts in the comment section below._

_VOTE_

_What do you think? Should Zayn Malik just give up dating altogether?_

_⭕Yes, he obviously can't keep a girlfriend!_  
_⭕No, I know love will find its way to him._  
_⭕I don't care. I'm just here for the music._

_Top 25 Cutest Moments of Zigi_

_[◀] 1 of 25 [▶]_

Harry rereads the article and when he's finished, he sits back in the chair with his hand on his chin. This article was written a couple days ago. So Zayn hasn't been with Gigi in over a week. Why didn't he say anything? Why would he keep that away from him?

Harry doesn't know why that bothers him because he is well aware that Zayn doesn't owe him any sort of explanation. But why has Zayn been so afraid to see him and talk to him lately? What's so bad about seeing him and telling him how he feels? The fact that he has to ask that question at all is very disappointing, so he closes the laptop, turns off all the lights and makes his way upstairs to bed.

As he's halfway up the stairs though, the doorbell rings. That confuses him because he isn't expecting anybody this time of night. He turns around and walks down the stairs again and carefully feels his way to the front door. He doesn't turn on any lights in the house just in case it's someone he would rather not let in or let know that he's here. He reaches the door and leans forward to peek through the peephole.

Right away when he sees who it is that's standing under his porch light, he jumps back with a gasp. It's Zayn. What is he doing here? He didn't call to say he'd be here tonight. He usually calls.

The doorbell rings again and Harry realizes he needs to stop standing there and let him in. So he turns on a light inside the house, unlocks the door and opens it. Zayn looks as far off as  he's been. They stare at each other for a few seconds until Zayn suddenly lunges forward and hugs him. He doesn't say anything. Just hugs him tightly and silently.

When he's done, he walks on in the house without being invited and then looks back. "Is Lola sleeping?" He asks.

Harry closes the door and locks it. "Yeah. I put her in bed about an hour ago. Why?"

"Okay." And again, without asking for permission, he moves further through the house and up the stairs.

Harry stands in place and he's muddled by Zayn's actions, though he gets the idea that he wants to spend the night here since he has a backpack on his back. He turns off the light again and makes his way up the stairs too. As he reaches the top, he sees low light coming from Lola's room, which means Zayn must've gone in there and turned on the lamp. When he peers into the doorway, his assumption is confirmed.

Zayn is also leaning over the crib and laying something over in  it. His backpack is off and in his hand. After walking further into the room, Harry realizes it's another stuffed panda bear but it is different shades of blue. He wants to bring himself to smile but he just can't. Not until he figures out what's wrong with Zayn.

"Zayn..." He says softly.

But Zayn doesn't turn around. "Hm?"

"Are you alright?"

Zayn takes a deep breath and then sits down on the floor in front of the crib. "Yeah."

"Sure?"

"Yes. I'm sure."

That can't be farther from the truth and Harry knows that. "So he comes over and sits next to Zayn. "I'm glad you came to visit. I was kinda worried you were just going to stop seeing us altogether."

Zayn looks down in his lap. "No. You didn't have to worry. I never wanted to do that. I can't."

He _can't?_ That's an interesting way of putting it. Why did he say it like that? There's a period of awkwardness that dances between them before Harry breaks the silence. "You didn't tell me about Gigi."

Zayn tenses. "I know that."

"And I'm guessing you had no plans to ever do it, either. Not that you have to. I'm just saying... You didn't."

Zayn sighs. "I'm sorry. I needed... I needed to think."

Harry swallows hard as a scary thought comes to mind. "Wait, did she find out? Did you tell her? Zayn, don't tell me you told her. We made a deal."

He shakes his head quickly. "No. I didn't tell her and she doesn't know."

A sigh of relief. "Then why'd you decide to break up?"

He grasps one of the bars on the crib with his hand. "Because Harry. Sometimes you've gotta make a choice. I keep putting myself in these shitty situations with you and I've been doing it on and off for four years. It's about time I did what was right and made a choice."

Harry leans back on the palm of his hands. "What kind of choices are you talking about?"

"Mostly what do I want the most in my life but I already know the answer to that question. It's been the same for a long time. It's the same reason I left the band. I want to be happy. But I wasn't happy. I was miserable."

"Because of you and me?"

"Duh, it was because of us. What else could it have been? You don't know how hard it was living with her and dealing with that level of guilt. So I figured it was easier to give her up now than to hurt her later. If you know what I mean."

"Yeah. I do. But why'd you come here? I'm not saying you aren't welcome here because you always are. I just don't understand all this." He gestures between Zayn and his daughter.

Zayn drops his hand from the crib so he can put it in his lap with the other. "Okay, listen. When you figure out that happiness is what you want most in your life, the next step is to figure out what it is that makes you happy and then go for it. There are so many things that make me happy and I want them all. But I can't have everything I want so I have to choose what makes me most happiest, _who_ makes me most happiest. So after thinking some time— and I mean a really long time, I came to the conclusion that even though Gigi made me extremely happy when we were together, the person who has always made me most happiest even before she came along...... is you. From the very beginning."

Harry feels like his heart might be ready to cartwheel out of his chest. It's a good thing he's sitting on the floor because he feels a little unsteady at the moment. "And I'm glad to finally hear you say that. But you should really think about this. Are you even sure that this would be something you would want? This is a big deal."

He nods. "Oh, I know it is. I know. And I know what this means for you, me and Lola. So I'm not saying this has to be a public thing. I'm just saying you are my choice. And that's why I'm here."

Harry furrows his brow. "But you know I'm cool, right? I'm not really worried if it became a public thing."

Zayn looks hesitant now. "Yeah, but I don't want it to. I'm not ready. I think it's best that we wait until this blows over. You know, make sure everything is where we want it to be first."

"Of course. That's a great idea. That's the way it should be. On our terms."

"Right. Then that's what we'll do." Zayn looks over at Lola who's surprisingly still sleeping peacefully after the conversation they've had. He can't wait until she wakes up tomorrow. He's sure this is what he wants but it'll really be worth it when he wakes up tomorrow and sees her. She's the one who made it a little easier to make this decision. Her smile would just affirm it. "Anyway, I hope I didn't wake you or get you out of bed. Coming here tonight was a last minute thing. I should've been more thoughtful."

"No, no. I was literally just walking up the stairs for bed. You came just in time. But I'm glad you did. I was really worried about you."

He nods once. "Well I'm fine as you can see. But I'm guessing if you were on your way to bed, then you're ready to go to bed now though."

"I have a few important things to do tomorrow, so yeah. However, you don't have to leave, you can stay. You're always welcome to stay."

"I know. Thank you."

"You're welcome." Harry stands up and he makes his way to the door. But he stops and turns back when he steps out into the hallway. "You're also welcome to sleep wherever you choose but you know there's a spot next to me... In my bed... If you want it."

Zayn chuckles and faces him for his facial expression. He wears a soft smile that causes him to consider it. "I'll think about it. But I might end up taking the guestroom instead."

"Okay. Whether you join me or not, don't forget to turn off the lamp and crack her bedroom door when you leave out."

"I won't."

He leaves Zayn in Lola's room and makes his way to his own. After turning out his light, he climbs right into bed and sinks under the covers. His intentions are to wait up and see if Zayn ever comes in the room. But he falls asleep before he can do that. He later finds out that staying up didn't even matter, really.

Because Zayn isn't next to him when he wakes up the next morning.

 

➡➡➡➡➡

 

It's been close to two months since Zayn impetuously showed up at Harry's house that night and due to career obligations, they've only seen each other once, despite only living twenty minutes apart. Harry had also been in the UK with his family for the past three weeks but now he's back and they've decided to go out and spend time together. As friends of course because this is something they would not want scrutinized so soon.

Finding things to do as friends proves to be more difficult than they imagined. The last time they hung out as friends and without Lola was when they were in the band. Granted that one intimate night they shared is what fucked everything up but still... That's a long time. And this is long overdue.

Harry would rather enjoy a nice quiet dinner somewhere with small talk. But Zayn had other plans in mind. There was no way he was missing a new marvel movie so here they are inside a movie theater to watch it. They've already been told which showing room they should go to but they didn't make it before a few fans spotted them and requested pictures with them.

"Where's Lola?" A young girl questions after she takes a picture with Harry.

"Somewhere safe and sound. Don't worry."

"Tell her we love her then."

He chuckles. "Will do."

"Zayn, can I kiss your cheek?" Another fan asks.

He smiles sweetly at her. "Sure love. Plant one on me."

Upon hearing that, Harry faces him in the crowd just in time to see a red haired girl doing just as she asked. "Well, I think that's quite enough. We have a movie to get to. Sorry girls and boys."

"Aw, we love you Harry."

"I love you Zayn!"

"I love you too."

They make a quick stop at the snack counter for popcorn and drinks and then head to the correct showing room. Outside of it, there is a man who hands them 3-D glasses.

"This is gonna be so sick." Zayn says. "I've been waiting to see this movie since the trailer came out."

Harry hums. They can't be more opposite when it comes to entertainment and recreation but he'll deal with it for Zayn. Next time Zayn will just have to concede to his wishes. They walk inside and are very relieved to find that the top row still has a few available seats. They rush up the steps and choose two of them.

"Are you happy now, Mr. Plant One On Me?" Harry whispers as they sit.

Zayn rolls his eyes and pops a few popcorn kernels into his mouth. "Don't start, Harry. She was a fan."

"What? I'm just saying."

"Don't."

Harry understands what he's asking so he stops teasing and watches the previews on the screen. The lights are on so there's not much Harry can do to keep himself from being bored to death other than getting on his cellphone. But after the lights have dimmed and the movie really starts to play, he occupies himself with Zayn instead.

"What is this movie's runtime again?" He whispers so that the conversation is only between the two of them and doesn't disturb others.

"Two thirty three. Why?"

"Because I'm already bored."

Zayn raises his brow and faces the screen. "Oh well, you're going to have to deal with it now. And shh."

Harry isn't very appreciative of being shushed here, so he leans in like he's going to whisper to him and gently nibbles his earlobe. It's not much of a punishment at all but he knows this will annoy Zayn because he doesn't want public affection when this whole date is disguised as going as friends. And he's right. Because Zayn huffs before folding his arms and slouching down in his chair.

Finally, when the movie has ended, the two of them decide to rush out and avoid being stopped again. But not before Zayn makes a run over to the claw machine at the arcade in hopes of winning a stuffed yellow duck for Lola.

"Lola is going to have a mini zoo by the time you finish." Harry says as he watches him put a quarter in the coin slot. "But this gives me a good idea to take her to the zoo after she turns two. I think she'll love that."

He nods. "True. Especially the pandas. She even thinks she's a panda."

"Can you blame her though? We call her Panda Bear."

Zayn chuckles as he thinks about the day he gave her that nickname. "Yeah."

It takes nine quarters before he actually wins a prize. Although it's not the yellow duck he wanted, it's a green turtle and it is still just as bright. They're out of the movie theater in no time and after being photographed by the paparazzi who showed up outside, they're on their way to Harry's house where Lola is being cared for by a nanny. The nanny, Janis, was hired through an agency, so she is available to be Lola's nanny whenever Harry needs her to be. That would include tonight's request and they've been gone for hours so they're sure Lola misses them as much as they miss her.

The car ride is fairly quiet but also rather quick and soon they're out of the car and walking in the door of his home.

"Janis! We're back!" Harry yells.

"We're in the living room!" She replies.

After locking the door, they make their way down the hallway. As soon as Lola spots them at the entrance she comes running. "Dadee!" She says.

Harry scoops her up quickly and kisses her nose. She laughs. "You're wearing your onesie. You're all ready for bed, aren't you?" She's usually already in bed and sleeping by now but he specifically asked for her not to be put in bed before he came home. There's just something about his daughter running to see him when he comes home that makes him so proud now. And he wanted that tonight.

"That?" Lola says. She points to the green turtle in Zayn's hand. She never misses anything. She's very observant. She's only going to be two in less than a couple months but Harry already knows she's going be super smart when she grows up.

"This is a turtle. It's for you." Zayn says.

"Heh."

She leans over in an effort to get to Zayn so Harry just passes her to him so he can hold her now. While Harry says his goodbyes to Janis, Zayn carries Lola upstairs and into Harry's bedroom since this is where he's going to be sleeping tonight. He stands her up on the bed and hands her the turtle.

"Here. That's called a turtle. Can you say turtle?"

"Turttoo."

"Good job and do you see that beautiful color? It's green. You can add that to your collection of stuffed animals now. Also between you and me, daddy's gonna take you to the zoo so you can see all these animals for real. How cool is that?"

"Turttoo." She repeats and she holds the turtle up.

Zayn laughs and sits on the bed next to her. "I'm so proud of you."

He bends down and takes his shoes off one by one. He tosses them away from the bed and is about to stand up when he feels Lola immediately plop down next to him and lean against his shoulder. He can't explain the feeling that collects in his stomach but it's too satisfying to go unnoticed. He pulls her in his lap and holds her close to him.

"I love you just as much as I love your daddy." He says as he touches her hair. "You know that?"

"Dadee."

"Yep."

"Dadee, turttoo."

"What?" When he realizes she's looking around him, he faces the same direction to see Harry who appears to have just walked into the room. He nearly has a heart attack at the thought of Harry hearing him. Did Harry hear him say that?

"Janis just left. Are you going to read to Lola before she goes to bed or am I?" Harry gives no indication that he did hear.

"Uh... I will, I guess. Yeah, I will." He gets out of bed and let's Lola down to stand on the floor on her own. He takes her hand and they walk to her room together. She's used to the routine by now, so she walks over to the bookshelf in her room and pulls a book from it.

"Book." She says as she hands it to him with two hands.

"Thank you." He looks down at it and sees that it's called Dinner at the Panda Palace. Zayn has never heard of this one before. So he feels a lot of pride knowing that Harry must've been the one who bought it. And who knows, Lola may have saw the Panda on the front and picked it out herself.

"Alright Panda Bear. Upsy-Daisy." He says. He puts her in her crib and she immediately lies down. Sooner or later, she's going to get old enough to realize she no longer wants to be confined in this crib and she's going to try to climb out of it. He hopes that when she does do it, that she doesn't get hurt. Because if she ever gets hurt, he will hurt too.

He tucks her under the covers and makes sure her brand new turtle is next to her. Then he takes a seat in the chair, opens the book and begins to read.

Lola listens quietly as she always does and as he reads the story, he finds that it's about a panda bear named Mr. Panda who owns a restaurant. He serves all sorts of animals food and makes them full and happy. Despite not having much of a plot, it's a great rhyme book and the pictures are bright and colorful. He isn't sure if Lola has seen them yet, but he can't wait until she gets a bed soon so he can sit with her and show her the pictures. She'll love learning the names of the animals.

He finishes reading and although she isn't asleep, she's surely getting there. So he puts the book away and turns out the lights so that nothing but the nightlight shines. Then he gently pulls the door halfway open and makes his way downstairs for a drink of water. He's expecting no one to be in the kitchen but when he rounds the corner, Harry is there standing in the open refrigerator and he's shirtless and with a beer in his hand. Zayn gasps. "Shit, you scared me."

"Sorry. I didn't realize I was that hideous to you. I'll remember to wear a paper bag next time."

Zayn gives him a look of boredom before walking all the way in. "Yeah right. That's not what I meant. I was just here for a drink of water. My mouth is dry from reading to Lola."

He nods. "Yeah, that always happens to me. How about you have a beer instead. We could drink together."

He shrugs as he ponders the thought. "Yeah. I guess. Why not."

Harry takes a second bottle out and sits them both on the counter. In a matter of seconds, he's popping the tops off with a beer opener and handing Zayn one.

"Thanks."

"Mhm."

He takes a generous sip and nods with approval. "Ah, now this is delicious. I'm gonna go enjoy the rest of this in the living room."

As he's turning to go out, Harry reaches out and grasps his arm. "Uh, Zayn. Wait. Before you do that."

"What?" Zayn questions.

"I just wanted to ask you something before we go to bed tonight."

"Oh, sure. What is it?"

"D-did you mean it?"

"Mean what?"

Harry hesitates before he says it. "When you told Lola you that love her as much as you love me. Did you mean what you said?"

Zayn slides out of his grip as he feels the heat in his face already. So Harry did hear him... What is he supposed to do now? He wants to lie and say he was joking just so he doesn't have to face it. But if he's going to be totally honest with himself, it's probably been very evident in his actions for a while and lying about it would just make things awkward between them. Maybe he should just tell the truth. For once he's doing the right thing and Harry is the only lover in his life. What could hurt?

He clears his throat and holds the neck of the bottle tightly. Then he starts to spill it all out at once. "Yes. I meant it. It's not something that I really ever considered with you but the more that I'm with you, the more I think that I do. Four years is a long damn time to tiptoe around the topic we've tiptoed around but for the first time ever, I feel comfortable moving in that direction. So yes, I do love Lola and yes... I do love you. There. I said it."

Harry cracks a smile and leans against the counter. "Lola loves you too, you know."

"Yep."

"And for the right reasons."

"Mhm. And you?"

"Me? What about me?" Zayn frowns and Harry quickly bumps his shoulder. "I'm kidding, you know I do too."

"You do too what?" He questions because if he had to say it then Harry sure as hell has to say it.

"Oh come on."

"Nope. Say it."

He puts the bottle to his mouth and laughs. "I like you very much."

Zayn doesn't want to smile at all but for some reason Harry's laughter is contagious and makes him do it anyway. Right away, Harry drapes an arm over his shoulder and leans toward his ear as if it's a secret no one can know. "I love you too." He says softly. "I always have."

He always has? Really? Just how long is "always have"? Will Harry ever tell him? Or does he even want to know? Not really. All that matters is that he does. Zayn leans up and pushes his lips out and Harry kisses him before dropping his hand from him.

"Alright, I'm taking this to bed with me. Come up when you're ready, I guess."

"Actually, I think I'm going to stay down here and finish this. I want a little bit of quiet time alone."

Harry shrugs. "Okay. That's fine. Goodnight then."

"Goodnight."

Zayn watches him leave the kitchen and when he knows that Harry is gone out of sight and earshot, he smiles to himself. He still remembers sitting on the other end of the phone and hearing Harry tell him that Lola accidentally dialled his number. He's still not one hundred percent sure how she even managed to do that and he hasn't even bothered to ask Harry about it either. But each time he thinks about it, he is reminded of all the possibilities that one phone call opened them up to. He's reminded that without that mistake, there would not be this. He wouldn't be standing here thinking about what he could be doing as an alternative because he wouldn't know that he was ever missing out on anything.

It was a rough path to get to this point, he admits. He knows that he went about everything in all the wrong ways and he hates the way some things turned out. But much like the day he left the band, he doesn't regret it. Does he feel guilty? Yes. But the way he feels when he looks at Harry's daughter and the way he feels each and every time he looks at Harry, that outweighs any guilt and he knows he could not have made a better choice. Fate could not have chosen a better time to intervene. Everything is where it should be. Everything is exactly where it's meant to be.

As he makes his way to living room couch though, he can't help but wonder what would have happened had Lola not tapped that button. Would Harry have continued on living his life as if they never crossed paths? Would he himself have done the same? Would he have ever been as close to Lola as he is or love her as much as he does? How would his own life be right now? So many good questions would be left unanswered, yet alone unasked.

He's aware that sometimes things do happen for a reason and sometimes those particular things are only meant to come and go once in a lifetime. Was that one phone call one of those things? Perhaps. No one will ever know. But one thing is for sure. Time and tide wait for no man. Or so says Geoffrey Chaucer.

And Zayn believes in that wholeheartedly because he has living proof of it all right here. One is himself, the second is Harry and the third one is the best of all. A little one year old blue eyed girl who lies asleep in a crib in the first bedroom of the second floor. It really doesn't get any better than this. And Zayn is highly convinced that if the future doesn't include Harry and Lola, there is no way on earth that it ever will.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time falls away. But these small hours, these small hours still remain. - Rob Thomas
> 
> Alright listen, I really like Zigi/Gigi so parts of this made me sort of sad to write but it's always Zarry above all and this is the way I saw this fic. :/ Also Zayn's portrayal was so weird for me but there you have it. It's fiction so it'll do. Leave your feedback or whatever if you want to. If you want to share this story, go [ here.](http://itszaynandharry.tumblr.com/post/153198540285/time-and-tide-zarry-from-this-post-summary) If you have questions or comments about this story, go [here.](http://itszaynandharry.tumblr.com/ask) Thanks for reading!


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